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How to change a woman’s opinion of you

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For some mysterious circumstances, of the very first of September, when you first came to your class, those around you formed a completely wrong opinion about you. Either you tugged the bow on your hair too intensely, why you were considered modest, or because of the excitement I read the verse too loudly, and you were considered an upstart ...
You are credited with a characteristic that is not about you at all - it is unlikely that this circumstance suits you. But instead of being upset, just change the class’s attitude towards you.

How to change a woman’s opinion of you

It works on the principle of a wiki, which means that many of our articles are written by several authors. When creating this article, 19 people (a) worked on its editing and improvement, including anonymously.

The number of sources used in this article is 10. You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Sometimes we make serious mistakes in relationships or make hasty conclusions without thinking about the consequences. Whether you are trying to forgive or translate a platonic relationship into a romantic one, changing a woman’s opinion of you can be difficult. If you understand how women make decisions and what kind of person your darling is, this will help you change her point of view. But in any case, the key to both of you clearly understanding each other is respect and open communication.

Big changes

An opinion about yourself - how do you see yourself?
For social communication, you need to know what others think of you, although a clear idea of ​​this depends on how you see yourself, that is, depends on your opinion of yourself.
Although many argue that they don’t care what others think, we are, after all, creatures who want and need to fit into social communication. Social anxiety is really just an innate reaction to the threat of exclusion, the feeling that we are not accepted by the group makes us anxious and depressed.

Forming an opinion about yourself

The ability to intuitively understand how people see us is something that allows us to reliably connect with others emotionally and experience the satisfaction that social connections bring us. Therefore, we can only rely on the accuracy of our understanding of how other people see us. As a result of research, psychologists concluded that it all comes down to what you think about yourself, that is, it comes down to an opinion of yourself.
Your ideas about what others think of you depend on your self-esteem, your own beliefs about who you are. “You filter the signals you get from others through self-esteem,” explains Mark Leary, professor of psychology at Wake Forest, North Carolina University.
Our opinion of ourselves is primarily formed in infancy: how our mother responded to our first cries and gestures, this greatly affects how we expect to be perceived by others. Children behave in such a way that perpetuate what they have experienced. The child, to whom the mother was cold and indifferent, wants and seeks to increase the emotional distance with other people. Those whose mothers were attentive and caring, confident in themselves and forge good relationships with their peers.
When a child examines the mother’s face, he receives tips about who he is, begins to form an opinion about himself, becoming adults, we continue to look for ideas about us in the eyes of others. Parent-child relationships are not the final definition of fate; you need very little to change the self-esteem created in childhood, whether it be good or bad events. People rely on other people's impressions, developing an opinion about themselves.
You probably know what people think of you. But, most likely, you do not know the assessment of any individual person. We have a fairly stable view of ourselves and a stable opinion of ourselves. We expect that other people will be able to see this right away and will adhere to the same point of view. And overall it works. But you cannot take this approach for any one person, for a variety of reasons.
Firstly, each person has a special way of perceiving another person, which depends on his own concept of the world around him. The people you meet in life evaluate you through their unique lens, which is consistent with their opinion.

In addition, the opinion of a particular person about you is not always obvious. The classical work of psychologist Paul Ekman showed that most people cannot determine when others are not quite sincere and “fake” emotions and feelings.

And just a lot more happens when you meet someone. You say, listen, plan what you are going to say next, and also regulate non-verbal behavior, unconsciously reacting to another person. Because of all this, it happens that we are not able to effectively interpret other people's reactions.

Context is key

While our personalities and opinions about ourselves are quite consistent over time, in some situations, events can change or even completely erase your personality. Suppose you described yourself as carefree and talkative. But no one can agree that you are so at the funeral of your brother.
People who have learned to regulate their emotions are in a much better position to know what others think of them. They are able to detect emotions on the faces of other people and feel empathy. If you are either overwhelmed with feelings, or unable to express them, then it becomes difficult to interpret the reaction of a stranger to you.
The more accurate you are in how others perceive you, the better your social communication develops.
The traits by which others judge us can be roughly divided into two categories - visible and invisible. Psychologists have found that others notice our visible traits more than ourselves (the eye, after all, cannot see its own eyelashes, as Chinese wisdom says).
The good news, however, is that on the physical attractiveness scale, others always rate you one point higher than you rate yourself.
The “invisible” features are not completely invisible, at least not with close friends.
The invisible / visible sign of division helps explain why people perceive our positive traits more than our negative qualities. First of all, people are less honest about their negative traits, and many of them are hidden traits. You need to know someone very well in order to have any thoughts about the person, that he is empty inside, for example.
Thus, if the opinion of others about our personality depends on our opinion about ourselves, then Psychology-best.ru advises you to pay attention to your self-esteem and, if necessary, increase it.

I don’t know what my management of this network looks like from the outside, but I guess that many people don’t like a lot. But I believe that I have the right to harshness and even rudeness. This right is given to me for 10 (or already 11) years of the general experience of anesthesia. During this time I tried 80% of surfactants that had in the territory of the former USSR, and sat and cried both on slow and fast. He badly spoiled his psyche, as evidenced by 4 visits to special medical institutions and another series of unpleasant and leaving deep traces of stories.
Now I’m a conditionally-temporary remitting multidrug addict, tolerant of all surfactants, with a non-ignorant practical experience of correcting (because it’s unlikely to be completely cured) the negative consequences of various surfactants, and tremendous experience in catching my own (I repent not always successfully, but “everything that does not kill us, makes us stronger ") and other people's roofs.
And then the worst thing: my generation i.e. started hanging around in the early to mid-90s of the last century) are already starting to die and actively end up in hospitals with the most diverse diseases / And I see that our mistakes are aptly repeated by the next and next generations of drug users. Therefore, I will ban impudence, ignorance of the subject of discussion, stupidity (first of all), rudeness, attempts to sell, as well as take advantage of buying surfactants, disrespect for the point of view of the network, groundlessness of my position and, in general, all the rubbish that makes the community work: to help people bypass pitfalls, suggest proven paths - in general, give a map of this (or that? - by the way, the one who answers the answer most precisely, is waiting for an exclusive prize) of the world beyond the usual doors of perception. (the brightest example is the last topic: in the case of comments from 30-40 percent no more)

Note: I am either the 4th or the 5th ranger. The Mongol appeared here from my submission, too, relatively recently: it was he who did the design, design, came up with the avatar and the queue for pre-moderation looks at me much more regularly. But I define the "general policy", so to speak, the vector of movement, occasionally correcting or changing the "party" course.

And now about the good: I have a word for chess, I have a sense of humor, and I, too, come from talented creatives (just not screaming). But the administration will immediately separate honey from cutlets, etc., which means that the communication style in one topic may be unacceptable in another. Further: we have a paid account, but we still don’t know who, for what and why spent our modest bucks. And worst of all, no one knows what to do with this bonus: polls did not bring much benefit, therefore I propose to do a bunch of avatars and creatives, well, or hang out a community anthem. Freebies need to use, or at least try.

People with genuine low self-esteem tend to view themselves poorly, rather than other people's opinions.

So ask how you feel:

Are you morally worse than most other people?

Are you less attractive than most other people, look ugly?

Dumber than most other people?

You may also feel:

Why spend money on yourself or your appearance, because you think that you do not deserve it.

Your opinions are not worthy, like the opinions of other people.

Your low self-esteem keeps you from the actions you want to do in life.

If you feel that you have low self-esteem, here are five ways you can apply in your actions.

Self-esteem, method number 1 : Do not spread a bad opinion of yourself.

Low self-esteem makes generalize specific incidents, situations or signs and apply to everything.

For example: Cook food for your children, and say, “I'm so awkward, I can't even cook food!”

If you catch yourself on this - for example, tell yourself that you are stupid because you made a mistake - then force yourself to find examples that contradict your own negative statement.

Self-esteem, method number 2improve your opinion of yourself : Look at the origin of self-esteem.

Low self-esteem is usually the result of how we position ourselves with other people. If you were systematically insulted, criticized or mocked, then you most likely absorbed a negative opinion about yourself, instigated by other people.

Remember who these other people are, and when you think badly of yourself, take a moment and ask yourself: “Whose voice is in my head?”.

I bet it really belongs to someone else initially. This is the first step towards psychological independence, the real "you" (which you must listen to), and it can be much kinder and more reasonable in relation to yourself.

Self-esteem, method number 3improve your opinion of yourself : Be fair to yourself and others.

Low self-esteem makes us exaggerate failures and personal weaknesses, minimize success and personal strength. Do not do this. Be honest. If other people say that you are attractive, smart, kind, cheerful, or any other, respect their opinion. At the very least, one must assume that what they say is a probability.

Self-esteem, method number 4improve your opinion of yourself : Do not accept thinking: "completely useless."

"If he is not perfect, then this is a complete failure!" The idea that it is 100% useless or 100% perfect is a trap. Some often see things in conditions like all or nothing. "This family is beautiful, and I'm just useless!"

Of course, nothing in this world is perfect, and no one is completely useless. To stop this destructive black or white thinking, ask the question: “How can I evaluate what food I prepared?” It makes me be realistic.

Self-esteem, method number 5improve your opinion of yourself: Take care of your appearance.

Low self-esteem leads to a vicious cycle. We feel bad, because we don’t dress well, don’t keep fit, there is no decent haircut. Take time out to take care of yourself. Take a massage, do a manicure. Buy clothes that look good on you.

This is very important because the ripple effect of changes in external aspects can lead to changes within. Take time to close your eyes and begin to visualize yourself fit, healthy and well-dressed. When you are doing something, you can be proud of it, be it a confident conversation with others or just be calm and relaxed. And again, it’s important, respect the opinion of yourself from other people.

Remember: a diamond does not know its value, but still it is a diamond. Joy will come in leaps and bounds. And once you say: "Real joy has come into my life"

Hello! I have this question. He is general: is it possible to change the opinion of oneself in another person, especially if it is a person of the opposite sex? If so, how to do it? How to behave? What to say? Wait until time passes or do otherwise? The fact is that I met with a guy, but after some time we parted, or rather he left me and went to his ex-girlfriend (as it turned out at that time they were just quarreling, and he started dating me), a month later I left from the city to study for a year. But all this year we talked with him. We could not help communicating. We were somehow drawn to something. And I could not forget him and, as it turned out, he also could not remove me from his thoughts. Meeting her, he thought of me. Although he and I knew that we should not be together. I am in one city, and he is in another. For the whole year he never said anything bad about me and often apologized for what he had done. In parallel, he met with his girlfriend (to whom he allegedly returned then). It hurt me of course and I tried to stop talking, but it was all in vain. I still wanted to go to him. I could not help but write to him and right before my arrival home a year later (in a month) he parted with his girlfriend and immediately started dating another, which really hurt me. I thought he forgot me. But he calls me and says that he wants to see me and that he really missed me and can not help himself. I felt it too. Whoever he was with, I myself wanted him. But before our meeting, I drank a lot. And, of course, behaved like. . . I won’t even say who. And what came over me? That evening I began to tell him how incompetent he was, that he earned little, that he had lost weight, that he had no education and about his complexes. I made fun of him. At that time, I brought myself as a person opposite to him — a beautiful and intelligent myself. Yeah. He said nothing. He tolerantly left, saying that he should go and we should not see each other again. In the morning, when I woke up, I remembered that I had spoken to him and apologized in writing on the Internet, offered to meet, he refused, citing that he would be busy, but said that he was not offended (well, yes! He was lying!). He stopped writing, calling. Now he doesn’t want to see me or hear me, he doesn’t give a damn about me, he wanted to meet me like a tender girl, and he met a narcissistic habalk. And after a while I realized that my words were savagery and no matter what he was, I want to be with him. All I told him is nonsense. So tell me: can I now somehow fix this situation? After all, I seriously hurt him. It spoiled everything. If possible, then how to do it? Does this mean that any problem and any attitude can be fixed? Tell me what to do, I am very ashamed and ill without him, and I want to return him, but I don’t know how to think over my steps and decisions correctly now. Thank.

The psychologist answers the question.

Please tell me what was your aim when you humiliated your friend? What did you want to prove to him? Why, experiencing a tender feeling for him, instead of telling him how dear he is to you and how you miss him, did you insult his manhood and human dignity? Having received answers to these questions from you, it would be much easier for me to help you figure out the difficult situation, but since I do not have such an opportunity, I will assume:

1) You are jealous of him. 2) You are offended by him. 3) You have no one else besides him 4) You are overwhelmed with emotions typical of a person at the age of 18, who have nowhere to spend, nothing to put on, and so on. 5) You specially drank a lot of alcohol, because you were scared with to meet him, you were most likely afraid of “rushing to his neck and sobbing” or vice versa “lashing out at him with fists”. Alcohol made you bolder, more confident in yourself and made it possible to speak words that you probably spoke inside yourself when he didn’t do very well with you (met with other girls, for example)

Валентина, очень важно сначала думать, потом действовать, очень важно контролировать свое состояние и иметь возможность управлять своими эмоциями. Человек в любом химическом опьянении выглядит не очень привлекательно. Вы это знаете и раскаиваетесь (сужу по письму)

“... So tell me: can I now somehow fix this situation? After all, I seriously hurt him. It spoiled everything. If possible, then how to do it? Does this mean that any problem and any attitude can be fixed? Tell me what to do, I am very ashamed and ill without him, and I want to return him, but I don’t know how to think over my steps and decisions correctly now ... ”

Let's start in order:

1) You already apologized in writing to him, but he did not want to forgive you. Or you touched something really really painful for him, so you hit the bull's eye and it pains him to realize this truth, which he, perhaps, was hiding from himself. Or you didn’t quite convincingly apologize, you can try again by writing everything that you think of him in a positive context, without unnecessary reminders of the scandal (do not repeat the words that you said to him, noting that you were mistaken)

2) What exactly did you mess up? Judging by your letter, there were no relations, there was only a craving that was difficult to describe in words (“we were drawn to each other”, “we kept each other in the head”, etc., but at the same time everyone lived quietly with their personal lives, especially taking no action to get closer). Valentine, maybe this is an illusion, think about it. You can recall the reasons for breaking your relationship and analyze. What caused the gap? Why did he leave? What exactly makes you remember him? And so on.

3) Naturally, not every problem and any attitude can be corrected. To fix the relationship, you need the desire of two. Both people should want and take action to build relationships. Imagine: two states are at war, one wants to make peace, and the other does not. Perhaps unilateral reconciliation, what do you think? Of course not. But that state, which wants peace, tries in every possible way to show its desire to make peace.

4) Valentine, if you can’t change the situation, you can change the attitude towards her and learn how to live in a position that is possible. For example, a person has lost legs, legs will not grow anymore, but he can learn to walk on crutches.

If it’s already impossible to establish relations, the other side categorically doesn’t want to, you can put up your whole life suffering, attracting, extorting meetings (there are many such girls, friends who have already married and have given birth to children, but they all “dry up” according to them. This is a way to nowhere) , but you can, having looked the truth in the eye, cut off and live your life once and for all, without focusing on one far-fetched image. Why far-fetched it makes sense to think, consult with a specialist psychologist

Valentina, you are young, your whole life is ahead and how happy you will live it depends on you. Good luck.

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